Today I’m leaving my hometown yet again. Couldn’t count the times I’ve wanted to get the hell out of this place and far away from it’s people. And yet every time I leave, I feel sad. Actually I can’t tell if it’s sadness or just lack of sleep but in any case, leaving here has an effect on me.
I hardly have any friends here and Skellefteå hasn’t exactly been awesome for my music careeer. My last gig hosted 40 people where 10 of them were representatives from the inner Desai family. I haven’t fallen in love once in this city, but still I’m only a few weeks away from comparing that life to this and thinking, “when you look at it that way, it really wasn’t that bad..”. If I were a saying, I would be: Wanting what you can’t have.
I always pictured myself in a more vibrant and exciting place that in turn would allow me to become something bigger, someone to remember. I would cringe at the idea of becoming a permanent resident in Skellefteå (if you think you can’t relate, just think of any small town you’ve lived in), because I felt/feel that the people never understood me and the general ambition there is quite low. But the truth is, every time I have decided to relocate, I have always come back to right where I started from. Why is that, I wonder? Could it be that somewhere deep down, I know this is where I will eventually end up and so I keep checking in to make sure it hasn’t left me behind? As I am settling in on this bus that is going north, I’m thinking NO. The only sensible reason (one that is a relief), except to see my parents, is for a quick recharge of my batteries.
If I manage to grow the way I intend to, I don’t think Skell will be able to hold me. I’ll come back many times more after this, but only for pit-stops. I appreciate everything Skellefteå has done for me, and everything it hasn’t done for me. But the bottom line is, I’m going places and I believe I am the faster runner. Don’t get me wrong, I hope you can keep up Skellefteå.