This’ll be my christmas post for this year I think.

I have a big decision to make in the next few weeks, and it is bothering me quite a bit. I have three realistic and sustainable options. That should be a good thing right? Well all I can think is: “great, now I’m gonna have to step on someones toes”. This and similar previous situations always makes me think of a scenario where I have no choice at all. Indirectly, I’m talking about running away from your “problems”, and it’s hard not to be attracted by that when the time comes to choose.

I am genuinely grateful for the things I have and the things I have done, which were only ever possible because of what was given to me. And when I consider the circumstances under which less fortunate people are forced to live their lives, my gratefulness even turns into guilt at times. With this said, I still can’t escape the thought of the restricted relief of not having a choice.

Considering it took me an hour to explain this to my best friend, I feel like I have to tread lightly to avoid being mistaken for an arrogant douche. But the fact is I believe more people than perhaps expected think like I (sometimes) do in these situations. That instead of the risk of upsetting someone with your choice or making the wrong decision for yourself, you may at that pivotal moment prefer your circumstances to be essentially basic. You would rather swap your situation for a scenario where maybe your only concern is to satisfy your most basic needs, where you don’t have to worry about all the intricate parts that a life of choice brings. I know it sounds dramatic, and I don’t think it goes to that extent over a Twix vs Kitkat battle. But when choosing between the one you are with and the one that might slip away, between the job that pays or the job does well, or maybe even between life and death, you might for a while envy the many men and women that are left without a choice, that just hover randomly through life without anyone ever noticing.

I’m not mentioning the downsides of being choiceless (did I just make that word up? The iPhone suggestions is chondrites..), they are obvious and there are many of them. But it is vital to see and understand both sides of the coin. At the end of the day it allows me to calculate my opinion and eventually stay grateful. It tells me to be happy that I can choose between a chicken salad and pizza for lunch (I had the salad, this body does not come for free) and that I can literally choose how I want to live my life.

Much love,