Good evening,

I just came back from our first practice game of the pre-season. Unfortunately it ended in 3-1 loss against a team that shouldn’t win that often, if you catch my drift.

Losing at this stage of the season is really not a big deal. Still I manage to beat myself up everytime it happens. I play scenarios from the game over and over again in my head even though I know there is nothing I can do about it now. I want to be the best, everything else is just not good enough. I feel like, in many ways, being this way is a blessing. It means that I will never be satisfied, which will keep me on my toes and will allow me to evolve for as long as I can. I love that about myself. But this also means that whenever I don’t play my best, which will no doubt happen more often than I am prepared for, I will dig a hole and I will sit in that hole for a very long time. No, I won’t actually dig a hole, but mentally I will. I think it’s my age that causes these mental meltdowns. I feel stressed because I am almost 24 now and by todays standards, I should be professional already. But since other things/interests have put a hold on this career, I now feel like I’m working against the clock. That’s why I every game in which my performance is anything below great, feels like the end of the world to me. I just want it so bad.

Gonna go dig a hole now.