Naturally, as this could be the last week for me in Dubai for a long time, I have a few things on my mind. Most of it concerns living without the people I love. After growing really close over the past year I have no idea how leaving them will affect me.
It is a choice I feel I have to make for my own benefit. But this is what’s eating me up inside. How do you ever really know if the choice you are making is the right one? Right now, leaving feels like the right thing to do. In 2 months, I’m scared it’s gonna feel like the biggest mistake of my life. It scares me that we will never know in advance what the right choice is. We just have to make one and see where is takes us. That is not a good situation for someone that is extremely indecisive and always wants what he can’t have. I am sure of one thing, I need a change in order to grow up. But slowly, as I get close to executing that plan I start to doubt it and everything else, all of a sudden, seems more appealing. Do I then ignore that, knowing that it’s just me being me again? Or do I listen to my gut feeling, which has yet to prove his worth, but that I still trust? I’m gonna get lost, if I’m not already. I do take comfort though in that, through building these relationships I have created a support system that will help me get through on top when things are difficult. And that support goes both ways.
I should be grateful that I have a choice, not everyone has that luxury. It’s not that simple though and neither is this life we are living. Leaving my loved ones will be painful. I just hope that, when it gets tough, I have the strenght to believe and stand behind the choice I have made, since somewhere deep down, I have a good feeling about it.